Saturday, 29 November 2014

Brutal Truth

I am just another dust in galaxy,  but the pressure and stress this dust is going through is equivalent to gravitational force suppressing earth in it's orbit. 
I believe gaining certain knowledge is a part of our life span. the more we absorb the better we function, just like photosynthesis. The more and balance sunlight it absorb the better it's growth is. 
But after it is fully grown the only choice we are left is turning into dust again. Until unless we preserve ourself artificially for future studies and observations. I don't even know what i'm exactly trying to express over here. I have all the resources to cocoon  my self and turn my self into a butterfly and then probably sting like a bee in the end or when required. But, when the cards are all folding and days are cold what we exactly look for? Capital? Luxury?or just the surviving instinct without competing with others and just forfeit the game you never wished playing. even though you consciously know you can or may not perform. But, that's the thing. We believe in something that thrive us to certain extend where making your self top of the ladder is the only thing we care. handwork, dedication, concentration, seizing the moment and further skills involved in this game of virtue. In the end you would be end up in books or probably lucky you would have your own souvenir around the corner of a block of your own place or some other area. And people will or would worship your intellectual prosperity and may even introspect their thoughts and would try to relate to their own story to yours because you heard about their stories which would have resembled yours, but mathematically it would be just .00001% similar to yours. Plot or concept would match but the integrity, emotion, your brain process and your thoughts would differ in such an angle where you could not even imagine. honestly, i don't even remember the words i've written till now nor i have incorporated any skills to remember and make sense of my any statement. 
Probably because i suck at memories and specially when i'm talking to someone face to face or it's through call or be a text messaging because all those conversation doesn't even matter to me. For me seriousness in graved to specific thought is like i' begin monitored and have to use some particular knowledge and have to stress my self to respond to a relevant manner in order to balance out the harmony of the conversation.


I shall not apologise for bring so random and abstract about each thing i think. it's the thing that makes me a different species within a particular species, technically weird to say that i may not have a normal mind or i may be suffering from something where it's hard for me to express my exact views  on a particular topic. 


Feelings i'm feeling right now is just amusing. i wish you could preserve each brain and re present it like a hard disk. But for that again you need to work your ass off and hope you reach your goal. 


If nothing was impossible, then my pet doctor could have saved my dog rather injecting 5 injection within a day to a month old puppy. RIP buddy, i miss your pink patch on your nose and ridiculously big eyes. by the way this was 5 years ago just to make sure that I'm not under some depression or anything, but i do need someone to channelise my thoughts and give a polish to my soul. 

Saturday, 8 February 2014

9th February 2014

Perfect! i'm active on Saturday night and yes, it doesn't mean i don't socialize even though my recent history is slowly degrading off. i shall not worry about such things.Right now, i'm worried about thoughts, that are flying and creating a buzz inside my twisted head. Chill. i'm not a serial killer nor gonna be one! But, sometimes your mind thinks too much that, it is uncontrollable. Isn't it? or i am the only one who think this?
I'm probably writing after a long, period. And it's my first post since there is a shift in Calender.
What should write on? Hmm. sometimes, i see world in different perspective like today. i've slightest view from my dad's point and through my mom's point. feels delusional but, it also make me look so weak.
What if you could be just normal? i wish, i could. Living like this, having different perspective and having little
delusional thoughts gonna make me real sick.

For example; i'm thinking of staying in my room for rest of my life.
Creating a perfect environment to sustain a life in a single room.
Work. Sleep. Eat. In a space where no one can imagine. Creating something is not impossible, though it sounds crazy. Imagine a room, where walls are painted in titanium white, with ceiling also painted in white, few paintings hanging on one side of the wall, a single bed right adjacent to wooden table, for work. will it be enough? Enough, for rest of my life?
 A bed and a table, is all you need. And of course the internet to post your creation. It's like hidden archive sending out transmissions.
Don't take me seriously nor think of doing such thing, cause it will be just creating your own world.