Brutal Truth

I am just another dust in galaxy,  but the pressure and stress this dust is going through is equivalent to gravitational force suppressing earth in it's orbit. 

I believe gaining certain knowledge is a part of our life span. the more we absorb the better we function, just like photosynthesis. The more and balance sunlight it absorb the better it's growth is. 

But after it is fully grown the only choice we are left is turning into dust again. Until unless we preserve ourself artificially for future studies and observations. I don't even know what i'm exactly trying to express over here. I have all the resources to cocoon  my self and turn my self into a butterfly and then probably sting like a bee in the end or when required. But, when the cards are all folding and days are cold what we exactly look for? Capital? Luxury?or just the surviving instinct without competing with others and just forfeit the game you never wished playing. even though you consciously know you can or may not perform. But, that's the thing. We believe in something that thrive us to certain extend where making your self top of the ladder is the only thing we care. handwork, dedication, concentration, seizing the moment and further skills involved in this game of virtue. In the end you would be end up in books or probably lucky you would have your own souvenir around the corner of a block of your own place or some other area. And people will or would worship your intellectual prosperity and may even introspect their thoughts and would try to relate to their own story to yours because you heard about their stories which would have resembled yours, but mathematically it would be just .00001% similar to yours. Plot or concept would match but the integrity, emotion, your brain process and your thoughts would differ in such an angle where you could not even imagine. honestly, i don't even remember the words i've written till now nor i have incorporated any skills to remember and make sense of my any statement. 

Probably because i suck at memories and specially when i'm talking to someone face to face or it's through call or be a text messaging because all those conversation doesn't even matter to me. For me seriousness in graved to specific thought is like i' begin monitored and have to use some particular knowledge and have to stress my self to respond to a relevant manner in order to balance out the harmony of the conversation.

I shall not apologise for bring so random and abstract about each thing i think. it's the thing that makes me a different species within a particular species, technically weird to say that i may not have a normal mind or i may be suffering from something where it's hard for me to express my exact views  on a particular topic. 

Feelings i'm feeling right now is just amusing. i wish you could preserve each brain and re present it like a hard disk. But for that again you need to work your ass off and hope you reach your goal. 

If nothing was impossible, then my pet doctor could have saved my dog rather injecting 5 injection within a day to a month old puppy. RIP buddy, i miss your pink patch on your nose and ridiculously big eyes. by the way this was 5 years ago just to make sure that I'm not under some depression or anything, but i do need someone to channelise my thoughts and give a polish to my soul. 

9th February 2014

Perfect! i'm active on Saturday night and yes, it doesn't mean i don't socialize even though my recent history is slowly degrading off. i shall not worry about such things.Right now, i'm worried about thoughts, that are flying and creating a buzz inside my twisted head. Chill. i'm not a serial killer nor gonna be one! But, sometimes your mind thinks too much that, it is uncontrollable. Isn't it? or i am the only one who think this?

I'm probably writing after a long, period. And it's my first post since there is a shift in Calender.
What should write on? Hmm. sometimes, i see world in different perspective like today. i've slightest view from my dad's point and through my mom's point. feels delusional but, it also make me look so weak.

What if you could be just normal? i wish, i could. Living like this, having different perspective and having little

delusional thoughts gonna make me real sick.

For example; i'm thinking of staying in my room for rest of my life.

Creating a perfect environment to sustain a life in a single room.
Work. Sleep. Eat. In a space where no one can imagine. Creating something is not impossible, though it sounds crazy. Imagine a room, where walls are painted in titanium white, with ceiling also painted in white, few paintings hanging on one side of the wall, a single bed right adjacent to wooden table, for work. will it be enough? Enough, for rest of my life?
 A bed and a table, is all you need. And of course the internet to post your creation. It's like hidden archive sending out transmissions.
Don't take me seriously nor think of doing such thing, cause it will be just creating your own world.

Late night blogging.

It's 4:26 in the morning and i'm not sleepy at all. In this mean time i decided to take a break from world. So, i decided to deactivate my Facebook account and adding my phone funeral for while. Now all i'm left is with e-mail id and my blog. Never felt my e-mail id so important.  Just like movies where people are crazy about their emails and shit, no wonder why they were so desperate. Jk!

i'm going to back market to have something, if something happens at least someone will pop it up on social sites. No wait, it's raining.  I hate rains! i just HATE them. All it does is, make you happy for couple of hours then they will start frustrating the shit out of you and slowly it'll makes you a prisoner in your own house! until unless it gets over, you can't move out until unless you're brave enough to get all wet or you've a car to safe yourself from brutal rain, unlike me of-course!. I've been waiting for past 3-4 hours and still it's not stopping for a minute or so. It's frustrating man, it's really frustrating.

So it's 4:34 in the morning and i'm still awake and waiting for this rain to stop!
meanwhile, thanks for reading this blog so early in the morning.

God bless your souls,
see you around, soon!

Early morning ride.

Very early morning...

I never slept today. Was watching movie trying to install Fifa 13 but didn't go my way today.
then i decided to go somewhere else from this place. i grepped my keys and Hood and took my  Activa to new place where my circle hasn't gone yet, according to me. On my way to this place i saw changes in atmosphere, people, living style, transport , roads.Basically everything! Broken roads, unreconstructed houses, villages, goats and construction sides.
after all this i managed to pull out from there as it started to get slippery for my ride. i reached a narrow road on left hand side, little tangy and on right side of it was loading area for trucks. i waited and captured everything with my phone i can. but, it was too little to capture the beauty by bare eyes. after few minutes i decided to go on that upper broken road! as i was going i could feel the breeze of nature, i can smell the fragrance of flower, the attraction of teetering birds and small insects.

I reached a small hill top from where i can see most of the un disturbed sites of nature and demolished side by human, if given option to choose b/w both of them i'll be stupid enough to say our side because it was just  acoustic transmission of attraction from nature.

I parked my ride on side grass to unblock the way. i got down and looked around and i was amazed and felt    light and peaceful after long time in my life. being there was absolutely amazing! i took my phone out started to capture every angle of that beauty, i didn't bought my camera :| but next time, i'll. then suddenly i could hear someone chanting loudly, his Echo was audible from miles away. He must be some BABA or some other human. then i started searching for this guy, following his voice and noticed someone far away on top of the hills and there he was chanting on top a rock.He's voice was heavy and loud! clear and confident.
in meanwhile i saw a guy with his dog coming on right. He was middle age man around 40's and was on phone with someone. So, i went near him and asked that man about this place and way to hill top. he guided me suggested me not to take my activa there as it is slippery and broken roads. So i decided not go.
his dog was 10 months old Lab, name was something sha...rish, couldn't remember it. But he was fond of me within minute or so. he stood at my track pants making them dirty but it's ok, he's just a dog anyways.
i left from there after that, thank uncle for details. my activa was slippery, roads were wet and broken moreover mud roads with few blocks of stones. My ride tier was glued with mus and was terrible. it was getting slipped when i was coming back from that place. had to drove very slowly and steadily till i found some water to clean it off. While going i decided to collect some stones and piece of wood from that place and bring them along with me.

i started to go back and again started to see changes across me, new roads. people on road and huge red Bus coming from front, i wish had a camera that time to shot that shot. so, after that i finally found ponds of water on broken road which helped me un gluing my muddy tier. i saw a School girl in blue school dress on side of a road making pony with white stripe of cloth. then i saw a man with his daughter sitting down on right hand side of road whispering something to her daughter who were waiting for School bus, I saw a little boy staring at me when he was riding his cycle towards the opposite direction of mine, was weird. then an old lady holding to packets of milk to her home/ somewhere i don't know. after few miles i could the breeze change and the pollution change across me, i started to enter city and it started to amaze me more. Old smell of garbage, smoke of cars and bikes, dust raising from ground, Yellow school bus going at good speed with sign "please contact if bus driver is driving rash". it reminded me of our school buses. ( wasn't good at all, baniye tey sab. )
mom holding his crying son and scouting towards bus stop, couples on walk! old man & woman too.
till the time i could capture more, i entered my society and brought those wracked stones and piece of wood along with me to flat, Activa was dirty and brown so was my hands and track pants.


that's it for now, will see you soon.

thanks for reading it, if you're!
- first blog after months. :)